The Twenteenage Years

January 4, 2014

HBO GIRLS -  reassures me that its okay not to have your shit together yet..

My twenties feel like an extended, darker adolescence filled with more responsibility but at the same time the most freedom I have ever had.

I have been spending a lot of time recently reading Rookie Mag - an online magazine for teenage girls written and edited by teenage girls. Which I feel kinda weird about as I turn 23 in a few days. I have NEVER wanted to relive my teenage years, god they were... so many things, exiting, dirty, hilarious, embarrassing, amazing and awful all at once. But the thing about these articles 'for teenage girls' is they still resonate with me. I can still relate. Does it mean I haven't grown up? I don't think so... I worry I'm getting more cynical and the ultimate put down - B o r i n g ! I worry I will never be as passionate and excitable as I was in my teens. I know for a fact I have never loved a band more than when I was a teenager and new music just doesn't have the emotional attachment. Back then ANYTHING was still possible and with each year that passes now, it becomes less likely if dreams are not put into plans.

I think the reason I can still 'get' these teenage articles is I really haven't got it all figured out just yet. And it doesn't happen the moment your turn 20. The good think now is I have a rough idea of what I want to do with my life. But I'm questioning myself more than ever before, the more I read, the more I learn, the more I think and doubt and wonder, and ...arghhhhhh.  As a teenager even though everything seems so important at the time their is a sense of freedom or 'I don't give a shit' that you can still make everything okay in the future, your allowed to fuck up, it doesn't really matter. But as I turn 23 I feel I have the most freedom I have had..ever. Its overwhelming ..especially for an incredibly indecisive person. I could literally move to the other side of the world, or change degrees or whatever. Im so friggin privileged and I'm complaining about all this freedom! Its bloody awful isn't it. I think growing up is about controlling your freedom.

I think for our modern generation, our early twenties are an odd extended adolescence because we only know of what went before us and thats our parents who where starting to think of settling down around this age. We don't have that pressure any more, we have more possibilities, and prolonged angst of what am I doing? least thats how I feel anyway! 

Maybe we're just jaded teenagers that don't want to party as much and know how to pay bills relatively on time.